I’ve alway been fairly enthusiastic, a little stubborn, extremely competitive and rather odd. From a young age I was captivated by art. My dad would hold weekly drawing lessons where teenaged kids would practice figurative drawing in the living room. I needed to take part. In retrospect maybe my love of portraiture stems from my endless play ethic. I was most happy being in the company of others and I never got tired of playing. Although my parents have always been proud of my ability to get along with others, they have tried to encourage me to be more independent and learn to enjoy my time alone.
The past months have been nostalgic. I often find myself skimming through my childhood photo albums or watching our ridiculously humorous family videos, but what I have enjoyed most are the conversations. I recently had a touching interaction with my dad. He too has spent time recalling my childhood. As I get ready to leave, I sense how fortunate my family feels, that I have found what I am truly passionate about. My dad recalls the struggles of getting me to do things independently, wether that be reading or walking the dog, he felt like his constant badgering was a broken record. He only wished that I would find something I pursued alone. Drawing was something I did for myself.
When I got a little older and became more aware of social pressures, I muted my eccentricity, and tried to fit in. I wanted everything to be simple and easy. I ignored my true interests because I wanted to be popular. It wasn’t until recently that I become comfortable within myself. Last year I took a drawing and painting course. This class was pivotal. I realized how passionate I am about drawing. I also joined the Help the Afghan Children club, and I realized that I truly love learned about the lives of others. I have known about these interests all along, but I was scared to pursue them. Now I have become immersed in these activities. I found how powerful figures can be. I am amazed by how the detail of individual features reveal character. I want to make a difference.
I think I knew what I wanted to do with my WISE project even before I entered Senior year. For me it is perfect. It is also because I knew what I wanted to do so early, that I didn’t expect my project to change me the way it did. Looking back at where I started, I was very confident. I thought it would be easy to complete these 12 pieces, and that my project would be over once they were displayed. I did not consider, how reflective this project would become. Blogging was really difficult. At the beginning of my project, I found that my blogs were repetitive and to me, uninteresting. Upon reflection I realize that I wasn’t far enough in the process to feel the impact of my learnings.
Initially, I thought my project was simply about displaying my work. It was, but on a deeper level my project was really about exploring self image. Yet it was not until I was asked to do a Nosanchuk lecture that I came to this conclusion. The experience of speaking in front of my peers pushed me to reflect upon myself in a way that I had not experienced before. I realize now that the most challenging aspect of the lecture, was trying to decide how to present myself in font of others. I focused on discussing education, and it’s importance. After spending time explaining my cause, women’s literacy in Afghanistan, I realized that I can’t ask for people to be passionate. Passion is not about our surface lives, but rather something we must actively pursue within ourselves. For me, that discovery has included making art, which has helped me become more observant of the world, and has inspired me to learn about the lives of others. My ultimate message for those who listened to me talk was this: “I think from all of this I am really just trying to say that education isn’t just about the books you read, or the homework you have to do. It is about us discovering what we find truly interesting. It’s funny because I remember being a freshman, and being embarrassed by the fact that I do well in school. Imagine that, being embarrassed by my success! High School is such an important time. I realize that now that I’m almost done, and I truly wish that I had realized that earlier. For those of you who this interests, it isn’t at all too late to make something of it. Maybe for you High School is all about taking risks, trying to be cool, whatever that means. Today, talking in front of you all was me taking a huge risk. Speaking in front of my peers about something I am truly passionate about is terrifying. Because I really have no idea how any of you will react. But if feels so good.”
When I look back on my project, in someways I am more proud of that short lecture than I am of getting my work displayed for a whole month. As my dad says, “The work speaks for itself.” I have always been a good at drawing, but it is reflecting on why these skills are meaningful to me, that makes them worthwhile.
A major struggle and question during my project was, how does one sell their work? I was extremely fortunate that Gimme took my work easily. They accommodated my need well, and they were very enthusiastic with my project. Selling the work on the other hand was much more difficult than I presumed. I think that I was over confident. Although I couldn’t help but think the worst, that nobody would buy my drawings, I really didn’t think that would happen at heart. I must have sold 3 pieces within the first week (even though they were all sold to family). This premature success gave me the hope that I would sell them all. Even though I sold half of the portraits (one of which was sold to a complete stranger!) I couldn’t help but feel slightly disappointed. I remind myself again that I can’t expect everyone to donate. When talking to my dad about this frustration, he brought up a good point. There are thousands of reasons for someone not to buy work, but there is only one reason to: they want it.
Overall the WISE experience has been more than I ever hoped for. I realize now that I am capable of pursuing my dreams, and I don’t need a reason to start. My simple goal was to present these women in a way different then what culture offers us. As much as I like to say that I am changing the lives of people in Afghanistan, it is truly just as amazing to change the lives of people at home.
When I first entered WISE I was excited to start this project, I imagined the differences I would make. I neglected to imagine how I would change myself. I have always been able to observe how others present themselves. I haven’t taken the time to consider how others view me. This project has helped me appreciate the freedom I have to express myself. As I wrote in one of my final blogs: We choose how people see us. Everyday we wake up, and make impressions on people. Social medias have made these impressions far more extreme. It is crazy to me how I can judge people who I don't know based on a webpage. Although I would like to dismiss this and think that one's personality is only measurable in person, there is a lot revealed by a picture. My project is essentially about this topic. How people choose to be perceived. Upon initial research I googled the words "Afghani Women" out of curiosity to see what was displayed. The images were heartbreaking, media only shows an oppressive violent culture. Although this is certainly an aspect of these women's lives, this is not what they are limited to. I wanted to display these women the way that perhaps, they would choose to display themselves. This whole issue brought me to question my own self image. I have always had a distinct identity, but I hate the idea that people judge me on such a superficial level. I have come to accept this reality; that we are visual creatures and first impressions are huge. It is ultimately up to us how we dress or how we respond to others. This project has helped me realize that I should be careful with my image. Hopefully I can ultimately appear in a way that is respected and admired by others.
